Captain

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O’ Captain, My Captain – said standing on a chair – not a desk. IYKYK

 The burger has been a staple in Israel since my early days in this land, circa late 80s early 90s. My theory is that hamburgers represented the first coming out from falafel, kubbeh and borscht, which were the mainstay culinary offerings inspired by immigrants from three corners of the world.

The ubiquitous nature of the hamburger over time proved the arrival of Israel into the western culinary scene, tying the fourth corner to the fressing map. Since that time, hamburgers are everywhere. Norman’s (z’l) boasted the Big Kahuna, Burger King and McDonald’s were the bee’s knees while Burgers Bar was as hot as the surface of the sun.  

The latest phenomenon in hamburgers abroad is the smash burger. Thus, Israel is right behind this fad and Captain is your go-to place for this new culinary experience.

First, I confess that I do not understand the smashed beef craze. My mother, of blessed memory, made a mean hamburger. She was raised in a meat-packing plant and knew beef. She would mix an array of seasons into the beef and raw egg and form large, round patties in her clean bare hands and then put them on the grill. The juiciness and flavor of each bite of my mom’s fat and round burger was like a burst of yum, all at once. Thus, I am not sure why everyone is now taking the round, succulence and plumpness of the burger and slimming it down by placing a pan on the meat. Maybe it is inspired by Ozempic and our obsession with skinny?! I digress again.

Captain was located on the First Station row near the carousel, but recently moved its location nearer to Gaya and Lechem Ve Bassar and added a kosher certification, which is an all-around great thing. There are multiple locations of this eatery. This is the location I enjoyed.

Do not try and order at the counter. There is a digital kiosk that will handle all of your requests, (do not complain when unemployment goes up). There, you can choose a few different variations of burgers (and a token selection of fried chicken), manly divided by size of the burger and its toppings and variations of buns. All the burgers are smashed. Some burgers are smoky, or offer a few other variations of spice but most are additions of sauce and not changes to the meat.

Toppings include chili, pastrami, beef bacon, vegetables and more.  Burgers can be single, double or triple.

One other worthy differentiator at Captain is the “cheese” (pareve) that is offered on any burger.

I had the double cheeseburger, with extra pickles.  The burger was smashed. It was an excellent burger. The cheese tasted like a slice of Kraft American singles and was the best of this wanna-be treif phenomenon. It was served warm, juicy and tasty. The burger did not have any unique spices or flavors but was pure and good and the cheese was a special forbidden enjoyment.

We also ordered the chicken nuggets, which were very small (size of nugget – not the order size) and fine. Nothing special. The french-fries were shoestring style and in desperate need of salt. They were NOT noteworthy. We did not try the onion rings but the couple who ordered them at the other table did. They looked pedestrian (the onion rings – not the couple), to me.

Captain was NOT expensive, did not take long to receive our order during a very busy time and was a delicious and tasty smashed burger. Get there and see if this Captain will steer your ship to your happy burger place.